TRAIN "TICKET PLEASE?"
Patience is a virtue. It is also a must for railroad conductors. I’ll tell you why. Because yours will be sorely tried, each and every day. It is the nature, you see, of dealing with that ever changing changling, the traveling public. Or, as we are taught to think at Amtrak, ‘our guests’.
Here is a case in point: About 60 ‘guests’ boarded our train at Ann Arbor today. Ann Arbor, you may recall, is a college town, the home of the University of Michigan. Naturally we carry great numbers of students and over the years a friendly give and take has developed between them and Amtrak. We provide them transportation, give them a ride, so to speak – and they try to ‘take’ a ride, or avoid paying for transportation.
Not all students, of course. I hasten to mention that by and large our traveling students are among the most frequent and faithful riders. They regularly (as do all Amtrak ‘guests’) put up with late trains, surly help and dismal equipment. However, there is a small segment that sees a challenge in trying to save that fare for more erstwhile pursuits. In fact a few years ago there was a pamphlet, of several pages length, going around U of M entitled "How to ride Amtrak for free". It contained hints about how to avoid giving up ones ticket. By getting on the train, say, and sitting under an existing seatcheck while pretending to be asleep. Perhaps I should mention that seatchecks are how Conductors keep track of the general ticket collection process. When a passenger's ticket is lifted, or collected, a seat 'check' is placed above them. This is a small colored piece of cardboard and it tells the Conductor several things, including the fact that said passenger had a ticket in the first place. The afore mentioned pamphlet suggested things like; try to keep your seat check and use it next time. Try stealing someone else’s seatcheck, etc. This forced us to change the color of seatchecks frequently, change the codes we use on the seatchecks, and use various other means to stay one step ahead of the traveling public.Especially those armed with a pamphlet of ‘hints’. All in a spirit of give and take, of course.
After leaving Ann Arbor my associate informed me that I had better speak to a woman in the next car.
"Lady up there doesn’t have a ticket." Ok. I go. I speak.
"Yes ma’am?"
"My boyfriend bought me a ticket but at the last minute he must have forgotten to give it to me."
"So, where are you going today?"
"Chicago."
"And you need a ticket?"
"No, I have a ticket, I mean he bought a ticket, I saw him charge it."
"But you can’t find this ticket at the moment?"
"He didn’t give it to me. He must have forgot at the last minute."
"Well, Ma’am, you know what usually happens in these cases? You probably have the ticket. It’s probably is your pocket, or bag, or suitcase. A lot of times folks stick their ticket somewhere in the confusion of boarding. Just take a few moments and look for it, and I’ll come back later."
This is, in fact, usually the case. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred the ‘guest’ will eventually find their ticket if left in peace to search for it. They are just too flustered and excited or embarrassed to think where it is with the conductor standing over them.
"No."
"No?"
"No. I know I don’t have it."
"OK. Why don’t you just come with me and we’ll work something out."
"Come with you where?"
"To the café, where I can use a phone. We’ll call Ann Arbor and find out about your ticket."
"Why can’t I just sit down? I mean, we paid for the ticket?"
"Of course, I’m sure you did. It’s just that you don’t happen to have the ticket with you, and Amtrak prefers that their guests have a ticket to ride the train. We’ll call back and get it straightened out."
"But I paid for the ticket already."
"I understand, Ma’am, that you are telling me that your boyfriend charged a ticket for you, but that you can’t find it at the moment. The agent at Ann Arbor can verify the ticket, and then we can work something out."
She reluctantly follows along to the café, where I can dig out my Amtrak phone and call back to Ann Arbor. And sure enough, the ticket agent sold a round trip ticket in this woman's name, by charge, right at train time. At this news I recall seeing a woman and her fellow rushing along the platform and the woman boarding at the last minute. This must be that woman. I get off the phone and relay this news.
"Good news, ma’am. Ann Arbor does show that a ticket was purchased, charged as you said. Probably the best thing to do now, if you can’t find the ticket, would be to purchase a one way fare to Chicago. When your boyfriend discovers that he kept the ticket he can return it for a full refund."
"But we already paid for a ticket. The agent just told you that. Why do I have to buy another one?"
"Because you don’t HAVE the ticket that was purchased to use for your trip to Chicago."
"But why do I have to buy another ticket if we already paid for a round trip?"
At this point I began to worry. Either this woman was purposely ‘not getting it’, or I wasn’t making the matter clear. Since they had paid for a ticket, I was hoping it was just me. So I tried again.
"Ma’am. Everyone has to have a ticket to ride on the train. You can imagine that all kinds of things happen between the ticket office and the train and tickets get lost or misplaced everyday. Amtrak's view is that it is your responsibility to get on the train with a ticket. Now in your case, you had a ticket purchased, but it somehow didn’t make it with you onto the train. So now you don’t, in fact, have a ticket to give me for your transportation to Chicago. So regardless of what else, that is the first thing we have to take care of. You need a ticket."
"But I have a ticket, we paid for a ticket, why are you giving me a hard time?"
"This is my point, Ma'am, you don't physically have a ticket. I’m sorry that you feel I’m giving you a hard time. I don’t mean to be giving you a hard time. It’s just Amtrak's policy that everyone must have a ticket with them, to present the conductor, to ride the train. For the sake of consistency no one rides the train without a ticket, you see that, of course?"
"I’m not trying to ride the train without a ticket. I paid for a ticket already."
"Ma’am, that isn’t the issue. No one doubts that you paid for a ticket. But that ticket isn’t with you here on the train to be used to go to Chicago. Do you have thirty-six dollars?"
"Yes."
"Then why not purchase your ticket to Chicago, so you have a ticket to use right now? Then, either have your boyfriend send you the return ticket, or you may purchase a return in Chicago. And after you return home you may cash in the tickets you charged today, at your convenience, for a full refund."
"Can I call my boyfriend?"
"Certainly, there’s a pay phone right here, it operates on a credit card."
"I don’t have a credit card. I need to call him."
At this point I am growing weary. But I take a deep breath, and offer the lady the use of my personal phone. There is no answer at the boyfriends house. Nor at his work.
"Ma’am, why not just purchase the ticket, and turn the other one back in later?"
"I don’t see why I should have to pay twice."
"Ma’am, I hope you see that from Amtrak's point of view, you have yet to pay once."
"But you know I had a ticket, a round trip ticket, that he just forgot to give me. Why can’t I just go and sit down?"
"Ma'am, please try to see my side of this? How am I to justify taking you to Chicago without a ticket? I mean a ticket right here, right now, just like everyone else on this train? I know you probably won’t believe this, and I’m certainly not suggesting you would do anything of the sort, but there are some unscrupulous folks out there that would ride to Chicago and then still turn in their unused ticket for a refund. And that’s why we insist that each and every person riding the train have a ticket, no exceptions."
Now the tears start. Great heaving sobs. Which only serves to make me think I might be being had. But no! I should not think the worst. I should not think that this person is trying to stiff Amtrak.
"Ma’am, I’m very sorry, I truly am. How about this, I’ll leave a message on your boyfriends answering machine, and if he calls me and promises to drop off your ticket at the ticket office for your fare tonight, then I’ll take you to Chicago on good faith. We’ll give him an hour or so to call, OK? And if he doesn’t, after that amount of time, then will you purchase a ticket for thirty-six dollars?"
I don’t know why I am making this absurd offer. I’m just tired of the whole routine. In my mind I am just writing off the fare and the whole deal as a bad business. I figure if the guy calls and has the ticket and agrees to drop it off, then I’ll write her a direct bill for her passage that she can pay with the unused ticket. That way if he cashes the ticket in, she’ll still at least get a bill, and make it onto the Amtrak ‘bad guy’ list if she doesn’t pay it. Strangely enough, she agrees to the arrangement.
A half hour later as we are leaving the next station I get a phone call from the boyfriend. I explain what has transpired. He assures me that without a doubt, she, not he, has the ticket. He is quite positive he gave it to her and thinks he saw her stick it in her pocket. I ask that if for some reason the ticket does by some chance show up on his end that he turn it in. He agrees and we wish each other good evening.
At this juncture, along comes my associate. In his hand he has - THE TICKET! And this news: "She just found her ticket." I hang my head, take a deep breath. Go find her.
"Well, this is some good news," I offer. "Do you recall the first thing I said to you when you couldn’t find the ticket?"
"No." Of course she does. But I can’t resist.
"I said that usually the person finds it if they just calm down and look." I say this with what I hope is a friendly smile, and not a smirk.
"Anyway, all’s well that ends well. I’m glad it turned up. Your boyfriend had just called and was pretty sure you had it. Enjoy your journey."
It wasn’t until after we were safely off the train that my associate told me what she had said, as she gave him the ticket.
"Here, tell that asshole I found it."
He knew my patience wasn’t THAT great.
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